Being in college, and becoming an adult has been something exciting, interesting, fun, scary, confusing, the list goes on. But the older I've gotten, the more I realize how much I think I can rely on myself for everything.
Somethings I have done mostly on my own, which I'm proud of. I made it through high school, graduated high school, lettered in seminary all four terms, graduated seminary, chose to come to college, and have learned to make it here and start building a future on my own for the most part.
While I was in high school, there was a time when my parents expressed their concern and fear for me, and what I was going to do when I had to enter the "big world". They felt I wasn't putting myself out there as much, learning how to be an adult, and I was sheltering myself in the gospel and hiding behind them and others.
At the time I wasn't worried. Something that has become my motto is that everything works out, as long as I keep God in my plans. A scripture that an old seminary teacher shared with me when I got accepted to BYU-Idaho was Luke 1:37, which says: "For with God nothing shall be impossible."
I have faith in that promise, and when things get tough I've always fallen back on that faith, and it's given me comfort and hope for the future.
But one struggle of getting older, at least from what I've experienced, is how often I've forgotten to let God into my life. Even since I left high school, I have had times where I honestly felt I was losing my testimony, and I couldn't get control of it again. I've felt distance from God, which I know is my doing, and I haven't known for sure how to get back.
In a way, my parents words have come true, and I've realized how my "gospel bubble" in high school isn't supporting me anymore like it was then. Life is changing, my thoughts and attitudes are changing, and my testimony needs to change and become something more than it ever has been to continue to support me and mean something to me.
After months, I prayed this morning. No particular reason came up that caused it, besides the random impulse that I should. So I did.
It's amazing how I've noticed a change in the day. I read my scriptures, and actually wanted to read, and try to get something out of them, and I did!
In 3 Nephi 24:7, it says in the middle of the verse: "Return unto me and I will return unto you, saith the Lord of Hosts."
Not only do I feel that that scripture was meant specifically for me, but I feel more hope that I can make it back to my Heavenly Father, I feel more like myself. My spiritual self. And I know that God would never leave me alone, but he sure knows how to be patient.
I guess the point of this post is for me to bear my testimony that sometimes things change. I feel like I have the opportunity to learn more about what it means to live the gospel, and how God interacts with people on the Earth, and me personally, in a way that is more compatible with real life, and the reality of things rather than what I understood in high school.
One motivator I've had is marriage. I'm 19 years old, almost a sophomore in college, unsure about a mission and if I should defer my enrollment, and I've wondered when marriage will come. I've worried that it won't happen at all. But something I've heard from others and even on campus, is that the most important things is to become the person you have in mind to marry, and everything will work out, and happen how it should. This rings true to my motto "with God nothing shall be impossible" and it gives me comfort, and a sense of purpose.
I know now that the most important thing to do, is to become a better person than I already am. To gain that testimony back that I once had with my Father in Heaven, and continue to help it grow. I know that I will continue to change, and life will become all sorts of different things, but I know in the end that I'm doing what I should. I am becoming the correct intrument that God needs in His hands. I am becoming a friend to someone who needs a friend. I am becoming the wife and mother that my husband, and sweet children will need.
And I know that with my Heavenly Father, nothing shall be impossible. :) I say these things, in the name of my Savior and brother, Jesus Christ, amen.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
BYU-IDAHO!!
Thought I would post an update of my adventures here in Rexburg, Idaho! A little more that 1 week ago, I moved up here to this wonderful town to start my first semester at Brigham Young University-Idaho. It's already been quite an interesting experience just in the past week.
I'm going to keep this short and too the point, hopefully.
The third day was horrible. After my 4:30 class, I barely made it back to my apartment without bursting into tears. I've already had problems with anxiety since I was twelve, and I've never actually gone to be treated or get medication, and I really thought that it was going to be that time. I just couldn't handle it on my own anymore. I called every person I could get a hold of back home and just cried and cried and cried. I wanted to come home. I didn't think I would be able to do it, it was going to be too much for me to handle.
I spoke with my awesome bishop back home, Bishop Jensen on the phone and told him what was going on and how scared I was and how difficult it was for me he reminded me that I was going to do great up here, and that this was the place I was going to have so many essential experiences happen for me in my life.
Coming to BYU-Idaho was something I could not WAIT to happen. The day I found out I was accepted I felt the Spirit so strongly testifying to me that I was going to the right place. I received that confirmation many times after, but through the homesickness, and the fear, I wasn't letting myself remember that.
Long story short, I KNOW without a doubt that this amazing school is exactly where I need to be. Since that day, I've started working harder to remember why I chose this school. I've started reading my scriptures and turning to the Lord day and night and even times in between when I feel the sadness coming back. I've turned to the scriptures DAILY, which is something I haven't done in a while.
The comforting, absolute confirmation that I am in the perfect place for me at this time as been shown to me almost everyday now. I know that without the help of friends, Bishops, teachers, and family back in Utah, I would still be a wreck.
But I want to give a large majority of the credit to my Father in Heaven. I know that without the gift of prayer, it wouldn't have been possible for me to speak to my Heavenly Father and express all my fears to Him. I wouldn't be able to ask for the daily strength to make it through, and push the anxiety aside. The scriptures give me comfort and remind me of the things I feel I've forgotten about, because of how long it's been since I last studied the scriptures.
I feel like already my testimony has grown in just the short time I've been up here. I know that it's because of my Father in Heaven, and scriptures, and inspired people around me that I'm now doing a LOT better.
I'm doing great in my classes. (All As and a B, to be specific) They're fun and interesting. I'm enjoying my roommates, we get real crazy sometimes. I've decided against going to see a doctor at this time for my anxiety. (Not that there's anything wrong with seeing a doctor for those types of things) I just don't feel it's what I need right now.
I know with out a doubt, that this Gospel is true. God lives, and His son Jesus Christ lives, and knows us. His Atonement is REAL! The Holy Ghost can be your companion every second of the day, as you live and make the choices that you should and use the Atonement DAILY. The scriptures are true, and they will guide you and comfort you and give you the strength to make it through anything you might be going through. Prayer really does work, and it's so important to have a relationship with Heavenly Father. Remember to tell Him everything, even when you know He already knows it. It's amazing to just know you can be completely honest, don't hold anything back. And as long as you commit to do it daily, and you strive for that relationship and the guidance from the scriptures, you WILL find it. I PROMISE!!! Don't just pray when you need help, or when your going through a hard time. Pray when you think life's great and just express thanks for everything you have, and then pray for others to find happiness too.
This school is amazing, it's God's school, and you can fee His spirit everywhere. I'm so blessed to be here, and be a part of this experience. This little town of Rexburg is the best place on earth, even though it is really cold. (Seriously, last week the high was 15 degrees and the lowest was -7).
This still ended up being pretty long, but I'm loving my first real adventure. This place has done some much for me already and I can't wait to take more part in this and get more involved in school and in the gospel with my friends and those around me.
This was just a small update! Maybe there will be more to come! Maybe there won't be...who knows!!
Have a dandi day!!
I'm going to keep this short and too the point, hopefully.
The third day was horrible. After my 4:30 class, I barely made it back to my apartment without bursting into tears. I've already had problems with anxiety since I was twelve, and I've never actually gone to be treated or get medication, and I really thought that it was going to be that time. I just couldn't handle it on my own anymore. I called every person I could get a hold of back home and just cried and cried and cried. I wanted to come home. I didn't think I would be able to do it, it was going to be too much for me to handle.
I spoke with my awesome bishop back home, Bishop Jensen on the phone and told him what was going on and how scared I was and how difficult it was for me he reminded me that I was going to do great up here, and that this was the place I was going to have so many essential experiences happen for me in my life.
Coming to BYU-Idaho was something I could not WAIT to happen. The day I found out I was accepted I felt the Spirit so strongly testifying to me that I was going to the right place. I received that confirmation many times after, but through the homesickness, and the fear, I wasn't letting myself remember that.
Long story short, I KNOW without a doubt that this amazing school is exactly where I need to be. Since that day, I've started working harder to remember why I chose this school. I've started reading my scriptures and turning to the Lord day and night and even times in between when I feel the sadness coming back. I've turned to the scriptures DAILY, which is something I haven't done in a while.
The comforting, absolute confirmation that I am in the perfect place for me at this time as been shown to me almost everyday now. I know that without the help of friends, Bishops, teachers, and family back in Utah, I would still be a wreck.
But I want to give a large majority of the credit to my Father in Heaven. I know that without the gift of prayer, it wouldn't have been possible for me to speak to my Heavenly Father and express all my fears to Him. I wouldn't be able to ask for the daily strength to make it through, and push the anxiety aside. The scriptures give me comfort and remind me of the things I feel I've forgotten about, because of how long it's been since I last studied the scriptures.
I feel like already my testimony has grown in just the short time I've been up here. I know that it's because of my Father in Heaven, and scriptures, and inspired people around me that I'm now doing a LOT better.
I'm doing great in my classes. (All As and a B, to be specific) They're fun and interesting. I'm enjoying my roommates, we get real crazy sometimes. I've decided against going to see a doctor at this time for my anxiety. (Not that there's anything wrong with seeing a doctor for those types of things) I just don't feel it's what I need right now.
I know with out a doubt, that this Gospel is true. God lives, and His son Jesus Christ lives, and knows us. His Atonement is REAL! The Holy Ghost can be your companion every second of the day, as you live and make the choices that you should and use the Atonement DAILY. The scriptures are true, and they will guide you and comfort you and give you the strength to make it through anything you might be going through. Prayer really does work, and it's so important to have a relationship with Heavenly Father. Remember to tell Him everything, even when you know He already knows it. It's amazing to just know you can be completely honest, don't hold anything back. And as long as you commit to do it daily, and you strive for that relationship and the guidance from the scriptures, you WILL find it. I PROMISE!!! Don't just pray when you need help, or when your going through a hard time. Pray when you think life's great and just express thanks for everything you have, and then pray for others to find happiness too.
This school is amazing, it's God's school, and you can fee His spirit everywhere. I'm so blessed to be here, and be a part of this experience. This little town of Rexburg is the best place on earth, even though it is really cold. (Seriously, last week the high was 15 degrees and the lowest was -7).
This still ended up being pretty long, but I'm loving my first real adventure. This place has done some much for me already and I can't wait to take more part in this and get more involved in school and in the gospel with my friends and those around me.
This was just a small update! Maybe there will be more to come! Maybe there won't be...who knows!!
Have a dandi day!!
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