Our Gift To Choose

Thanksgiving was last week, and I'm a bit behind, but today I'm so grateful for my agency, and the chances I have to learn.

This past year, I've got to say, it's been tough. I've felt confused, anxious, scared, and so alone at times. I've struggled to let Heavenly Father be a part of my life, and I've realized how impossible it is to try and do it without Him.

I'm so grateful for my agency. I'm so grateful for the amazing gift my Heavenly Father has given me to chose and be responsible for myself. I'm also grateful for the Atonement that was made, because Heavenly Father knows I'm not perfect, and He knows I'm going to make mistakes and bad choices in my life.

Our agency is essential to the Plan of Salvation, because if we did not have the ability to act for ourselves, there wouldn't be any progress in this life. And that's why we are here! Our life is like a big learning adventure, and we don't always see it, but it really is so amazing and is proof of how much Heavenly Father really does love all His children.

I've made bad choices in my life. I made the mistake of choosing not to attend church for one week. And I told myself it was okay, because it was just for one week, and I would go the next. But that one week became two, then three, then a month, and the next thing I knew I hadn't been to church for six months. My scripture study and my prayers were happening less and less, and eventually, I started doubting things I thought I would never doubt. What you choose is so important, even when it doesn't seem like it.

But making one bad decision doesn't mean it's the end. In the October 2010 General Conference, Elder Robert D. Hales gave a talk about agency, and he said:

"Whenever we disobey, we spiritually paint ourselves into a corner and are captive to our choices. Though we are spiritually stuck, there is always a way back. . .  Returning to the Lord isn’t easy, but it is worth it."

We can chose to turn back to God, and He will be there ready to help us. I've heard stories of people saying that God never really leaves us during out trials, and when you do return to Him, you will find that He never left you. I can testify that God doesn't leave us. You think he does, you think He has. You think He's left you all alone to figure everything out for yourself, and He isn't listening to you when you hit rock bottom and realize you need to start calling for help.

But He is ALWAYS there. There were times when I would pray, and I even felt like Heavenly Father was there and He was listening, but He just wouldn't do anything to help me. I would get confused and frustrated, and I wished He would just do something. I wanted everything to just make sense, I wanted Him to show me what I was supposed to do.

But it doesn't work like that. Because if God was to just show us what we needed to do, we wouldn't be learning for ourselves. It wouldn't be a personal journey for each of us, like it needs to be. We would just be puppets, moving when the strings were pulled and we had to follow.

God has already shown us what we need to do. We have the Commandments, the Word of Wisdom, the scriptures, and prophets and apostles that teach us the things we need to do. It's a much more powerful experience when we make the choice ourselves to be obedient to those things, and it puts us on the path to progression we were sent here to take.

When you make a bad decision, the Atonement of Jesus Christ is there to help you overcome your weaknesses and mistakes, because Heavenly Father is amazing, and He knew we would all need it. We don't need to feel hopeless forever, because it's never too late to make the right choice. Humbling yourself and choosing to act in obedience is such a powerful experience, and you can make it right with Heavenly Father when you make it a focus to repent daily, and make better choices more often than bad ones.

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask [and act] with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost." Moroni 10:4

I know that God lives, He gave us our agency, and He's expecting us to use it. We have the potential and the strength, because we are His children, and we have His help. It reminds me of my favorite scripture, the one I like to live by:

"For with God nothing shall be impossible." Luke 1:37

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

And I wish everyone an upcoming Merry Christmas! :)


 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/agency-essential-to-the-plan-of-life?lang=eng

Why Do You Want To Live The Gospel?

For the past couple of months, I’ve thought a lot about what the gospel of Jesus Christ means to me, and wondered if it is something I can make work in my life. And I’ve got to be honest, I never saw myself as one who would try and find an alternate way when it got hard, or someone who would ever doubt the experiences I had in the past. 

The truth, which was bothersome to me for a short time, but is now something I’m grateful for, is the fact that there isn’t an alternative way. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only way to find true happiness on this earth, and in the life to come. There are no “easy way” outs, and no shortcuts to eternal happiness. 

Robert L. Simpson once said: “It is only this `living water,' the gospel of Jesus Christ, that can and will bring a happy, a successful, and an everlasting life to the children of men."

So how can we strive for, and partake of the Living Water? The main thing I want to talk about, is the difference between testimony and conversion. The two words have made a lot more sense to me lately, and I’d like to share some thoughts I’ve had.

First, testimony. A testimony is what a person claims to believe to others, it is something everyone needs to have. I always thought when a person had a strong testimony, it meant they were the most spiritual person they could be, and it was more of an end result. I felt like conversion was just what happened after you had a testimony for so long and kept it growing; eventually you would just always know that what you believed was true. 

Elder David A. Bednar has said: “Knowing that the gospel is true is the essence of a testimony. Consistently being true to the gospel is the essence of conversion.”

The two important words of that statement to me, are the words knowing, and being. What I’ve come to understand, is that a testimony is something we let others know. It’s an outward expression of what we know to be true. Conversion is what results inside of us when we act on those truths, it’s something we choose for ourselves based on what we’ve felt and learned, and it’s not going to be something people will see right away.

What I’ve learned is that it is so important to gain a testimony. You always hear it, and how it’s important, but IT REALLY IS SO IMPORTANT. Because your testimony is what your conversion will stand on, as you continue to experience, learn, testify, and do the things the Holy Ghost guides you to do. I’ve realized more now, that before I graduated, I was still building my testimony, even when I felt I was “doing” just fine. But just learning and testifying isn’t ever going to be enough. We need to really ask ourselves: " Why do I want to live the gospel?" and then choose to make the commitment. 

Our loving Heavenly Father has given us everything, literally everything. But one of the most important gifts He has given us, is our decision to choose. There is so much power that comes when we choose to follow Christ and His teachings, because our decision is really the only thing we have to give back that will be our own.

“…anything else we give is something that God already gave to us. When we give tithes or offerings, we are simply giving back to God what He first gave to us. Any money we earn in this life, for example, comes to us because of God’s creations. If we give our time, we are giving what God already gave to us—our days upon the earth. But when we give our will to Him, this is a gift that is uniquely ours to give. When we give our will, we are giving ourselves totally, withholding nothing. If we gain a testimony, and then make the conscious choice to change and live our lives as Heavenly Father has said we should, think of how amazing and powerful that choice really is, and how dramatic the impact will be in your life.” -Russell T. Osguthorpe

I’ve noticed since returning home from school, the change that’s already started as I’ve made the decision to try again. There really is something so special that I feel when I actually wake up, and go to church in the morning. I feel like I’ve got the chance to show Heavenly Father that I’m trying, and I’m so grateful to have the chance.

I’m so grateful for the Atonement that makes it possible for us to try again when we stumble, make mistakes, and have doubts. It’s so amazing, and it’s so special. I know that it is real, and it can and needs to be a part of our lives constantly. It’s a sweet experience when you humble yourself, and allow yourself to be His child, where you can tell him anything in complete honesty, and He works with you to make things right, telling you how much love He has for you along the way. 

It’s a lifelong process, and I’m so grateful that I’m able to have this learning experience. I’ve learned so much already, and I’m looking forward to what the future holds when I never let myself give up. I knew once that it would be worth it, and I need to have faith and jump until I can know that again.

Trials really are amazing, they are a gift, and we should be thankful for them. They are painful, and unbearable at times, but it’s the perfect chance for Him to show us what we are made of when we can’t see it ourselves. They help us grow so much. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

With God Nothing Shall be Impossible

Being in college, and becoming an adult has been something exciting, interesting, fun, scary, confusing, the list goes on. But the older I've gotten, the more I realize how much I think I can rely on myself for everything.

Somethings I have done mostly on my own, which I'm proud of. I made it through high school, graduated high school, lettered in seminary all four terms, graduated seminary, chose to come to college, and have learned to make it here and start building a future on my own for the most part.

While I was in high school, there was a time when my parents expressed their concern and fear for me, and what I was going to do when I had to enter the "big world". They felt I wasn't putting myself out there as much, learning how to be an adult, and I was sheltering myself in the gospel and hiding behind them and others.

At the time I wasn't worried. Something that has become my motto is that everything works out, as long as I keep God in my plans. A scripture that an old seminary teacher shared with me when I got accepted to BYU-Idaho was Luke 1:37, which says: "For with God nothing shall be impossible."

I have faith in that promise, and when things get tough I've always fallen back on that faith, and it's given me comfort and hope for the future.

But one struggle of getting older, at least from what I've experienced, is how often I've forgotten to let God into my life. Even since I left high school, I have had times where I honestly felt I was losing my testimony, and I couldn't get control of it again. I've felt distance from God, which I know is my doing, and I haven't known for sure how to get back.

In a way, my parents words have come true, and I've realized how my "gospel bubble" in high school isn't supporting me anymore like it was then. Life is changing, my thoughts and attitudes are changing, and my testimony needs to change and become something more than it ever has been to continue to support me and mean something to me.

After months, I prayed this morning. No particular reason came up that caused it, besides the random impulse that I should. So I did.

It's amazing how I've noticed a change in the day. I read my scriptures, and actually wanted to read, and try to get something out of them, and I did!

In 3 Nephi 24:7, it says in the middle of the verse: "Return unto me and I will return unto you, saith the Lord of Hosts."

Not only do I feel that that scripture was meant specifically for me, but I feel more hope that I can make it back to my Heavenly Father, I feel more like myself. My spiritual self. And I know that God would never leave me alone, but he sure knows how to be patient.

I guess the point of this post is for me to bear my testimony that sometimes things change. I feel like I have the opportunity to learn more about what it means to live the gospel, and how God interacts with people on the Earth, and me personally, in a way that is more compatible with real life, and the reality of things rather than what I understood in high school.

One motivator I've had is marriage. I'm 19 years old, almost a sophomore in college, unsure about a mission and if I should defer my enrollment, and I've wondered when marriage will come. I've worried that it won't happen at all. But something I've heard from others and even on campus, is that the most important things is to become the person you have in mind to marry, and everything will work out, and happen how it should. This rings true to my motto "with God nothing shall be impossible" and it gives me comfort, and a sense of purpose.

I know now that the most important thing to do, is to become a better person than I already am. To gain that testimony back that I once had with my Father in Heaven, and continue to help it grow. I know that I will continue to change, and life will become all sorts of different things, but I know in the end that I'm doing what I should. I am becoming the correct intrument that God needs in His hands. I am becoming a friend to someone who needs a friend.  I am becoming the wife and mother that my husband, and sweet children will need.

And I know that with my Heavenly Father, nothing shall be impossible. :) I say these things, in the name of my Savior and brother, Jesus Christ, amen. 

BYU-IDAHO!!

Thought I would post an update of my adventures here in Rexburg, Idaho! A little more that 1 week ago, I moved up here to this wonderful town to start my first semester at Brigham Young University-Idaho. It's already been quite an interesting experience just in the past week.
I'm going to keep this short and too the point, hopefully.
The third day was horrible. After my 4:30 class, I barely made it back to my apartment without bursting into tears. I've already had problems with anxiety since I was twelve, and I've never actually gone to be treated or get medication, and I really thought that it was going to be that time. I just couldn't handle it on my own anymore. I called every person I could get a hold of back home and just cried and cried and cried. I wanted to come home. I didn't think I would be able to do it, it was going to be too much for me to handle.
I spoke with my awesome bishop back home, Bishop Jensen on the phone and told him what was going on and how scared I was and how difficult it was for me he reminded me that I was going to do great up here, and that this was the place I was going to have so many essential experiences happen for me in my life.
Coming to BYU-Idaho was something I could not WAIT to happen. The day I found out I was accepted I felt the Spirit so strongly testifying to me that I was going to the right place. I received that confirmation many times after, but through the homesickness, and the fear, I wasn't letting myself remember that.
Long story short, I KNOW without a doubt that this amazing school is exactly where I need to be. Since that day, I've started working harder to remember why I chose this school. I've started reading my scriptures and turning to the Lord day and night and even times in between when I feel the sadness coming back. I've turned to the scriptures DAILY, which is something I haven't done in a while.
The comforting, absolute confirmation that I am in the perfect place for me at this time as been shown to me almost everyday now. I know that without the help of friends, Bishops, teachers, and family back in Utah, I would still be a wreck.
But I want to give a large majority of the credit to my Father in Heaven. I know that without the gift of prayer, it wouldn't have been possible for me to speak to my Heavenly Father and express all my fears to Him. I wouldn't be able to ask for the daily strength to make it through, and push the anxiety aside. The scriptures give me comfort and remind me of the things I feel I've forgotten about, because of how long it's been since I last studied the scriptures.
I feel like already my testimony has grown in just the short time I've been up here. I know that it's because of my Father in Heaven, and scriptures, and inspired people around me that I'm now doing a LOT better.
I'm doing great in my classes. (All As and a B, to be specific) They're fun and interesting. I'm enjoying my roommates, we get real crazy sometimes. I've decided against going to see a doctor at this time for my anxiety. (Not that there's anything wrong with seeing a doctor for those types of things) I just don't feel it's what I need right now.
I know with out a doubt, that this Gospel is true. God lives, and His son Jesus Christ lives, and knows us. His Atonement is REAL! The Holy Ghost can be your companion every second of the day, as you live and make the choices that you should and use the Atonement DAILY. The scriptures are true, and they will guide you and comfort you and give you the strength to make it through anything you might be going through. Prayer really does work, and it's so important to have a relationship with Heavenly Father. Remember to tell Him everything, even when you know He already knows it. It's amazing to just know you can be completely honest, don't hold anything back. And as long as you commit to do it daily, and you strive for that relationship and the guidance from the scriptures, you WILL find it. I PROMISE!!! Don't just pray when you need help, or when your going through a hard time. Pray when you think life's great and just express thanks for everything you have, and then pray for others to find happiness too.
This school is amazing, it's God's school, and you can fee His spirit everywhere. I'm so blessed to be here, and be a part of this experience. This little town of Rexburg is the best place on earth, even though it is really cold. (Seriously, last week the high was 15 degrees and the lowest was -7).
This still ended up being pretty long, but I'm loving my first real adventure. This place has done some much for me already and I can't wait to take more part in this and get more involved in school and in the gospel with my friends and those around me.
This was just a small update! Maybe there will be more to come! Maybe there won't be...who knows!!
Have a dandi day!!