Being in college, and becoming an adult has been something exciting, interesting, fun, scary, confusing, the list goes on. But the older I've gotten, the more I realize how much I think I can rely on myself for everything.
Somethings I have done mostly on my own, which I'm proud of. I made it through high school, graduated high school, lettered in seminary all four terms, graduated seminary, chose to come to college, and have learned to make it here and start building a future on my own for the most part.
While I was in high school, there was a time when my parents expressed their concern and fear for me, and what I was going to do when I had to enter the "big world". They felt I wasn't putting myself out there as much, learning how to be an adult, and I was sheltering myself in the gospel and hiding behind them and others.
At the time I wasn't worried. Something that has become my motto is that everything works out, as long as I keep God in my plans. A scripture that an old seminary teacher shared with me when I got accepted to BYU-Idaho was Luke 1:37, which says: "For with God nothing shall be impossible."
I have faith in that promise, and when things get tough I've always fallen back on that faith, and it's given me comfort and hope for the future.
But one struggle of getting older, at least from what I've experienced, is how often I've forgotten to let God into my life. Even since I left high school, I have had times where I honestly felt I was losing my testimony, and I couldn't get control of it again. I've felt distance from God, which I know is my doing, and I haven't known for sure how to get back.
In a way, my parents words have come true, and I've realized how my "gospel bubble" in high school isn't supporting me anymore like it was then. Life is changing, my thoughts and attitudes are changing, and my testimony needs to change and become something more than it ever has been to continue to support me and mean something to me.
After months, I prayed this morning. No particular reason came up that caused it, besides the random impulse that I should. So I did.
It's amazing how I've noticed a change in the day. I read my scriptures, and actually wanted to read, and try to get something out of them, and I did!
In 3 Nephi 24:7, it says in the middle of the verse: "Return unto me and I will return unto you, saith the Lord of Hosts."
Not only do I feel that that scripture was meant specifically for me, but I feel more hope that I can make it back to my Heavenly Father, I feel more like myself. My spiritual self. And I know that God would never leave me alone, but he sure knows how to be patient.
I guess the point of this post is for me to bear my testimony that sometimes things change. I feel like I have the opportunity to learn more about what it means to live the gospel, and how God interacts with people on the Earth, and me personally, in a way that is more compatible with real life, and the reality of things rather than what I understood in high school.
One motivator I've had is marriage. I'm 19 years old, almost a sophomore in college, unsure about a mission and if I should defer my enrollment, and I've wondered when marriage will come. I've worried that it won't happen at all. But something I've heard from others and even on campus, is that the most important things is to become the person you have in mind to marry, and everything will work out, and happen how it should. This rings true to my motto "with God nothing shall be impossible" and it gives me comfort, and a sense of purpose.
I know now that the most important thing to do, is to become a better person than I already am. To gain that testimony back that I once had with my Father in Heaven, and continue to help it grow. I know that I will continue to change, and life will become all sorts of different things, but I know in the end that I'm doing what I should. I am becoming the correct intrument that God needs in His hands. I am becoming a friend to someone who needs a friend. I am becoming the wife and mother that my husband, and sweet children will need.
And I know that with my Heavenly Father, nothing shall be impossible. :) I say these things, in the name of my Savior and brother, Jesus Christ, amen.