Today, I'm just grateful for feeling happy.
As most of you probably know from Facebook posts, or my posts on this teensy-weensy blog, depression is something I struggle with.
Literally, everyday, I struggle with feeling either tired or exhausted, physically and mentally. I can't always focus, keep my thoughts straight, or even remember clearly things that may have happened just 30 minutes ago. I'm always thinking of when I can go home and "take a break", even when nothing major happens during the day. Most of the time it just feel like a big blur, and I just do my best to "fake it 'till I make it".
Recently, I've learned that something isn't working quite right physically, on top of my depression. Which actually makes it all not so bad. Perhaps something more can be done to lift the burden a bit.
But the past couple days, I'm grateful that I've been able to make it through the day having a bit more energy, and feeling more like cracking (stupid) jokes, and spending time around people. That doesn't happen very often.
Sure, it may just be because I've had some re-adjustments on my meds, and this is a sign they're starting to work effectively again. And I think it's partly the reason. But I also feel and know that it's also because of my Father in Heaven, and the faith of others who have kept me in their prayers the past little bit. I definitely feel it, so thank you for all that have helped in that way.
I want to say that I'm grateful for my depression, while I'm feeling grateful. Because I know that they'll be another day when I'm wishing I didn't have to deal with it. I'm grateful for the opportunity it gives me to put my trust in others, especially my Heavenly Father. I'm grateful for what it's taught me about myself; how I need to be patient with myself and not beat myself down when something doesn't go right, or I feel like I'm letting people around me down. I'm grateful that it's taught me that, yeah, I'm imperfect, and helped me be able to have more courage to admit when I've make a mistake, or when I'm struggling and need help, or accept correction from somebody when it's needed, and just take more responsibility for myself. My depression has actually made me feel more confident in myself, more open, more honest, more teachable, and more susceptible to what it feels like to feel real happiness and joy, and to enjoy those moments. It's amazing what my depression has done for me, really. And I'm just so thankful for those things.
God is great, and real, and so much smarter than us. He knows what we ultimately need to experience in life, even when we squirm, wish, cry, and beg that it was something different or easier. We know that "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28) I love that promise, and I know it's true.
Remember the moments when you feel truth. :) It's the best!
If you made it this far in the post...good for you! Also, Jesus loves you, and I love you, too.